Copper and Gold
by Writingmylifeawayy
Summary: "The Wayland Boy must wed." I roll my eyes at my impertinent mother. "His third wife just left him, Mother," I say calmly, keeping my composure, "why would I want to marry a man who arouses such hatred from women?" Because who else will help her make sense of her agonizing life?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"The Wayland Boy must wed."

I roll my eyes at my impertinent mother.

"His third wife just left him, Mother," I say calmly, keeping my composure, "why would I want to marry a man who arouses such hatred from women?"

She pulls my hair tight, fixing the messy copper curls into a pretty braid and spinning me around to face her. "He has money and power and we are poor, Clarissa. Your Father and I cannot support you any longer,"

"Step-father. That man is not my father," I spit, venom laced in my voice.

She ignores it. She always ignores it.

"Michael Wayland wants a grandson. He will be more then generous to any women who can tie the young lad down."

"I don't want a kid, Mother! I'm barely out of childhood myself."

"It doesn't matter what you want anymore Clary," Mother hisses in my ear, bringing goosebumps to my skin. "We need this. You need this."

"You truly believe you took care of me, don't you? We both know that your husband snuck into my room every night, at least I surely did, and you still protect him and love him after knowing what he did to me. What he did to me every fucking night while you were reading a god damned book in the family room until finally I grew out of his _type_. I guess you're lucky that you've always looked young or else he would've left you to fondle someone else's daughter."

My face burns and I realize she has hit me, her palm's redness must match the color of my cheek.

I bite my lip, my teeth sinking into the supple flesh and piercing it and I savor the metallic liquid that floods into my mouth. I've always found that I like blood. It sounds weird, but I like the way it looks and feels against my fingers as I draw line after line across my skin. I like how it tastes when I'm holding myself together so tightly I must destroy a part of my cheek or lips in order to find a release. It feels good. It feels like control.

"Stop that," my mother orders, swiping the blood off of my lip and wiping it against her dark dress.

"I'm so happy for you, Mother," the words tumble out of me like an avalanche. "You're finally able to get rid of me, you're finally able to try again. Isn't that what you've always wanted? A new start?"

I look down at her extended belly. My brother is in there, tiny and innocent and loved. He'll never even know about me or what I endured. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe leaving this awful place will be better.

Or maybe I'll just have a different man touch in the middle of the night.

()()()()

The Wayland Estate is absolutely beautiful. A literal golden gate surrounds the entire property and it looks large enough to house three dozen families and each of them would get their own rooms. Many people live in the Wayland Estate, but the Lightwood Children are the most surprising. They were left there by their parents at the young age of eight and just grew up with the Wayland Boy and his father. My biological father actually lives in the Wayland Estate, I've never actually met him, but I've always known about his luxurious lifestyle. It was a lifestyle he didn't feel the need to include me in. The Wayland Estate has always posed itself as a place of greatness, but for some reason, I just feel like I'm walking into the next trap of my life.

I smooth down my gown as I enter the historic doors into the Mansion and the lack of color surprises me. I always thought the walls would reflect the creative minds and brilliant business men who have passed through here, but alas, the cream colored walls do nothing to excite the child in me.

The Choosing Ceremony happens every time someone of power needs to wed. Each of the Lightwood children got one, Aline Penhallow had her choosing ceremony just a few weeks ago, but somehow her engagement will be clouded by the Wayland Boy's third ceremony. No one knows why he can't keep a woman, he's heard to be absolutely gorgeous, but his spirits must be quite low in order to drive off so many ladies.

"Hi, um, that is a beautiful dress," a young man says to me, offering to help me out of my coat. I let him and he grabs the dark fabric and removes it from my shoulders, leaving me in the emerald gown my mother had picked out for me.

"You don't see much color in here, the Waylands keep it pretty plain," he continues, folding my coat over his arm.

"Well, that is an absolute shame," I respond, smiling sweetly at the boy.

He stares at me for a moment, too intently for my liking, but I don't dare say anything. I already have a low chance of being chosen to begin with, I should be friendly to as many people as possible.

"I'm Simon by the way," he reaches out his hand to shake mine and I take it gracefully.

"Clarissa."

"Well, that's a mouthful," he laughs and I raise my eyebrow, trying to make him nervous, and it works perfectly. "I mean its pretty, it's a really pretty name," he scrambles.

"I'll see you later, Simon."

"Yes, of course. I will also see you later too."

I walk into the room that holds the ceremony and I immediately feel misplaced. There are hundreds of woman and they're all dressed in dark gowns, except for me. They all wreak of elegance and poise and I am just the poor girl from the other side of town. This could not get any worse. The event has been going on for hours and I have just arrived. The Wayland Boy is probably too exhausted to even look at another woman at this point.

"Fuck me," I curse to myself, letting out a deep sigh.

"I would, but I feel like I should learn your name first?" a smooth voice calls out from behind me and I freeze. Slowly, I turn around and confirm my fears, I am faced with a man with golden hair and golden skin and even golden eyes. He is absolutely stunning and I can't help my jaw from dropping.

"Hi…" I say awkwardly, extending my hand, "I'm Clarissa."

"Jace Wayland," he says confidently and then grabs my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly.

"I was afraid of that," I say to myself quietly.

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing," I respond.

"The staff will escort you to my room in a little while, I see you don't have any bags with you so I assume we'll have to pick you up some clothes, but that shouldn't be a problem."

My eyebrows draw together in confusion, "I'm sorry, what?"

"You are here for the Choosing Ceremony, right?"

I nod my head.

"Okay, well I chose you," he states matter of factly.

I let out a laugh, annoyed, "you don't even know me, shouldn't have a conversation first or something?"

"No, I'm good. We'll talk later tonight," he responds, starting to walk away from me.

"Wait," I grab his arm, stopping him in his tracks, "why me?"

He wraps his arm around my waist, before squeezing my hip through the fabric of the dress and his face is right in front of mine, his golden eyes glowing.

"I liked the dress," he says simply, and then he's gone.

 **So I haven't written a Clace story in a really long time, but I'm missing this coupe alittle extra right now, so let's see where this goes!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Just a small discliamer, there will be alittle bit of self harm in this story as well as some very adult themes. If you are easily tirggered just beware that I may be talking about some intense subjects and while I will describe them in the means neccessary to understand the character, I am in no means trying to glorify self harm or anything of that sort, I just want you guys to be able to get into these character's brains and understand why they are the way that they are. Anyways, enjoy chapter two!**

 **Chapter Two**

Everything moved quickly from that point on, too quickly for my liking if I am to be completely honest. I am totally out of my element in this strange place and the irony is not lost on me as I watch each and every rich bitch escorted out of the estate leaving only me and a few members of the staff in the large room that was once filled. I can hardly breathe, though there is plenty of free air now that everybody is gone. He chose me. He chose _me_ after barely getting a single word out of me. How could a man want to marry someone based on a dress? He must be shallow, this must be why so many women have fled from the Golden Man.

"Clarissa was it?" a dark-skinned woman with curly hair asks me.

"Um, Clary," I respond, reach my hand out to shake hers, "Clary Fairchild."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Maia," she shakes my hand. She seems kind and very warm-hearted, it's something I'm not used to in my daily life, but it is welcomed.

"You better be ready to ditch that last name, Jace seems to have taken a liking to you," she says, offering her arm to me and leading me up the large wooden staircase in the center of the mansion, "I've never seen a Choosing Ceremony end so abruptly."

I laugh uncomfortably, "I don't know what he thinks he saw, he barely said two words to me."

"The Wayland Boy works in a mysterious way, it's what keeps him so interesting."

"Well, at least it'll keep me on my toes," I reply, pulling up the straps of my emerald gown that has slipped off of my shoulders.

She leads me through the enormous estate and I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. There are so many rooms and hallways and kitchens and areas to mingle. It feels more like a hotel than a home, but I guess that is how it is meant to be. The Waylands are a very impersonal bunch I hear.

"We've arranged a room for you, it may not be your style, but feel free to decorate it any way that you would like. Jace's room is across the hall from you and when you two are to wed you'll move into the East Wing where all of the couples live."

"The couples are separated from everyone else?" I ask.

"Michael doesn't want any infidelity among these walls so he takes as many precautions as he must. It works for the most part, but the Wayland Boy still manages to get around."

So he's a cheater. That's why no woman will stay with him, he's a self-absorbed cheater. That will be just great for my self-esteem.

"We've also picked out a few clothes for you," Maia says, breaking me from my thoughts. "You'll be able to go out on your own and purchase some later, but this supply should get you through the first couple of weeks. Plus, we left you plenty of night-wear. Jace loves satin or silk."

She opens the door to the room for me and ushers me in. It's almost painfully plain. The walls are the same cream color as the rest of the house, adorned with a few paintings from the Renaissance era. The bed is large and looks extremely comfortable, a white quilt lays over the plush mattress and the pillows are a light shade of blue and seem to be covered with satin.

"Try and keep the boy happy," Maia says, walking towards the door, "we don't want a fourth Choosing Ceremony."

"I will do my very best."

I'm lying. My home may be terrible but it is still my home. I know what to expect there, I can control how to feel there. Here, everything is new and scary and too big to comprehend and as Maia closed the door to my new room I can feel the darkness seeping into me the way it always does.

These are the time that I must search for a release. The times that I must do something to gain back some control. The time where I fish the small blade flushed against my hip and bring it into focus.

It is a pretty color. I've always loved silver, the way it sparkles and shines, but isn't too flashy, it never gets noticed by any of the greats, but to me it is stunning. I swipe my finger across the blade lightly, it's not enough to hurt, but it does draw a thin line across the skin, red seeping out of it gently. I always go for the hips or the thighs, somewhere I can hide, somewhere that cannot be put on display. I never cut deep, though the scars on my hips would beg to differ. It is not to kill, just enough pressure to draw crimson, just enough to focus my mind on red and cleaning the red and fixing the red. I can fix the red. I know how to fix the red. Everything else, that is what's scary. A little bit of blood never hurt anybody. The world, the world hurts everybody.

()()()()

I have just fixed the red when I hear a knock on my door, quiet, but firm. I run over to the wardrobe and pull on a blue silk nightgown, it is soft against my fingers, but it is also quite slippery, I've never felt such fabric against my skin before, but it very pleasant.

There's another knock, this one a little louder and more powerful. "Unless you have run away, I'm pretty sure that you're in there, _Clarissa_."

The Golden Man, I knew he would be coming to see me at some point, but I assumed I would at least have night to myself before I had to start jumping through hoops for this man.

"I am just getting dressed," I call out, and the door suddenly opens. He likes to let himself in apparently.

"What the hell!" I yell, glaring daggers at him, "When a woman tells you she is getting dressed, that is not an invitation for you to come in."

"Oh shush it, would you?"

I cock my head at him, a loud scoff escaping my lips. "That's how you want to talk to the woman you are to wed?"

He nods, a cocky smirk splayed across his lips.

"You are absolutely terrible," I say, closing the drawer of my wardrobe and walking over the bed, sitting down and placing a pillow over my lap. "I was just about to go to bed, so if you don't mind maybe we could mingle later."

He follows me, sitting down right next to me and scooting until our knees touch, my bare one's against his covered in sweats. "I don't want to wait until later. I figured I should get to know you."

"Don't you think you should have done that before you decided I was the one you wanted to wed?"

He laughs, his muscular shoulders shaking slightly. "You're extremely feisty, you know that?"

I scoff, "Yeah, I think I've heard that once or twice."

"Why so serious, love? I'm just trying to talk to you," he pushes a strand of her out of my face and twirls it around his finger.

I can't help my face from flushing pink, but I can pull away, so I do, pulling the strand of hair away from him and tucking it behind my ear.

"I'm very tired, Mr. Wayland."

"Call me Jace," he responds and his ankle rubs against mine and I can't help but shiver at the contact. "What should I call you?"

"Well, my name is Clarissa, so that works."

"No, no, no. Clarissa is much too formal, what should I actually call you?"

He seems surprisingly genuine and it makes me uncomfortable, but it also feels nice.

"My family calls me Clary," I say, looking into his eyes for the first time since he's been in here. They are so bright and speckled with gold and they almost seem to tell me a story, a story of hurt and pain, but also a hopeful story, a story that hurts so bad to read, but eventually you get to the end and you find that you want to read it again.

"Okay, Clary. It's nice to formally meet you," he reaches out his hand to me and hesitantly I meet him. Instead of shaking my hand like I expect him to he pulls me close, his lips imperceptibly close to the skin of my ear. "I would love to stay and talk, but I can tell that you are exhausted and I want you to be rested for tomorrow."

I can't move, but I manage to open my mouth quietly, "What's happening tomorrow?"

He laughs quietly, his warm breath fluttering against my neck, "You'll just have to wait and see, love." He leans down and presses a gentle kiss to my neck, right below my ear and I tense up, my breathing coming labored, but then he removes himself from me completely, walking towards the door slowly.

"Goodnight, Clary," he says smugly and I mean to respond, but I'm frozen, so I just watch as he closes the door and then I'm in the darkness again, but it feels different. It feels like I was just in a fire and now I'm engulfed in smoke and it kind of stings and chokes, but I like it, and I don't know what to do with that fact.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I'm woken up by a loud knock on my door, sharp and quick, and the stinging that radiates from my hips confirms that yesterday was in fact real. I wasn't in some weird dream-like state, it was all reality. I stare at the door intently, hoping whoever is there will go away if I just pretend to be asleep, and it works for a few seconds until I hear another loud knock, followed by a louder one, and a louder one, and at this point they are just banging on my door and it is absolute madness.

"Jesus Christ, would you stop already?" I yell out, clearly annoyed.

The door pops open and Jace lets himself in slowly, closing the door behind him. "I'm glad to see that you're awake," he says with a smug grin on his face.

"Well, I was enjoying my rest until _someone_ decided to ruin it," I shoot back.

"It's eight, you got plenty of sleep."

"I thought rich people got to sleep in," I say, sitting up and letting the blankets fall from my upper body, exposing the think silk nightgown. He didn't seem to notice anything charming about it the night before, but today he glances at my chest and licks his lips subtly and I glance down to see my nipples straining against the taut fabric of the dress. I pull my knees up to my chest and try to ignore the hungry way that he's looking at me, like he could eat me alive, like he could devour me whole. It brings a warm feeling to my belly, a feeling I've never felt before.

I clear my throat, trying to cut the tension in the room. "What did you want to do today?" I ask sweetly, trying to break him out of this trance.

He looks embarrassed, shaking his head a bit and then resting his gaze to my eyes. "Um, I was going to take you out to town and show you around this area, I take it you're not from here," he explains.

"That sounds nice," I reply.

"Okay, well then let's get going, love. Get dressed," he demands, leaning back against the door and staring at me intently.

"Jace, I'm not going to get dressed with you in here."

"And why not?" he asks, raising an eyebrow flirtatiously.

I scoff, "I think its pretty obvious why I'm not going to get naked in front of you."

"Oh, you'll be getting naked in front of me soon, love, just for a different reason," he replies, winking at me.

"You're a pig," I exclaim, before pushing the covers off of my legs and crawling out of bed. I walk over to my closet and begin rummaging through the clothes, trying to find an everyday dress. The closet consists of mostly blacks and grays and whites, but I do manage to find a pale yellow sundress adorned with blue flowers hiding in the back. I then pull out a black bra from one of the drawers and the matching lace panties that lay next to it, they're much sexier than the simple pink ones I wear now.

"I like the yellow," Jace says, but he's now right behind me, and his breath is tickling the back of my neck.

I whip around to face him, but he's taller than me, much taller and I only reach the dip of his collarbone. "Jace, if you want me to get dressed you need to go," I say firmly, placing the clothes down on the table next to me.

"I could help you get dressed," he replies, his hands coming up to rest on my hips and I don't know what to do. I've never been touched like this before, at least not by a man anywhere near my age. His touch is gentle and firm and delicious and a small part of me wants to rip his clothes off and let him have his way with me, but the larger part of me, the rational part of me feels weird and a little scared, but not of him. I feel scared of the way I'm almost comfortable here with this strange golden man that I barely know. His hands begin the bunch up the silk fabric, inching the dress up my body slowly and revealing the tops of my thighs and I suddenly remember where I am, and the marks littering my thighs and the stranger in front of me. I place my hands on top of Jace's to halt his movements.

"I, uh, I think I can manage to get dressed myself," I stutter and slowly pull his hands from my hips, placing them back at his sides

"Okay, Clary," he says quietly, almost a whisper and then he's turning away from me and heading towards the door.

"Be quick though, the limousine should be here within the next twenty minutes."

()()()()

The ride to town had been awkward and quiet, but somehow I had managed to get through it. I had avoided his gaze at all costs, but now as I walk beside him on the crowded street I find myself wanting to be back in that vehicle, locked away from everyone else and safe. I've never liked crowds or people in general, someone is always out to get you, whether you know them or not, someone is waiting for you to become weak.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" Jace asks, breaking me from my train of thought.

Suddenly a large group of people bump into us and I'm being pushed away from Jace as the group mutters rude apologies and continues on their way. I let out a deep sigh, running my hand through my curls and walking back over to Jace. "I was thinking about how I really fucking hate crowds," I complain, speeding up a bit so that I'm in front of him.

"And why is that?" he asks, jogging a bit to catch up to me.

"There's just not enough room for all of the people in this world," I explain, cringing as the next ambush of people start to come towards us, "it's so easy to get lost, or bumped, or stepped on, sometimes I just wish I could not exist just to be out of the fucking way."

He laughs, looking over at me with an amused look on his face.

"What's so funny?" I demand.

"You're just the biggest cynic that I've ever met," he responds, grabbing my arm and leading us over to an empty bench near the road. "It's such a shame too because you're just so dang cute," he continues, pinching my cheeks between his fingers.

I swat them away aggressively, "Would you fucking stop?"

He laughs again, he always seems to be laughing at me. "You curse a lot, Clary."

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock. You're so very attentive."

He laughs again and leans over to me, resting his head against my neck. It is always so warm against my pale skin. He's such an odd figure and I hardly know what to think of it.

"Clary, I can't wait to break you."

I look up at him, into those golden eyes and I know that he will in fact break me, and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

 **There's chapter three my loves. I hope you enjoy it!**


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